Staying Asleep

It looks as if I have no troubles falling asleep, but it is the staying asleep part I have so much trouble with. i'm up every hour just to remind myself how painful it is to wake up. the children were here today. I never did get any extra time with my daughter. I dont know how I make it sometimes, the pain is unreal. my whole life feels unreal. What will tommorrow bring? maybe i'll do another nnecklace, go through yet another box of crap. Clean up todays mess and do todays dishes. I am supposed to teach a class this week and all I want to do is hide under the covers and stay there. and stay there permenantly. I smoke way too much for someone who is as broke as i am. I hate money. more, I hate the lack of money and people who dont understand what its like to not even have enough to buy themselves a coffee or a pack of gum. sometimes its a choice. do i want that coffee or do i want to eat this week. you dont know broke until youve kissed the poverty line goodbye. and i have kissed that line goodbye long ago. I survive on barely nothing, which is fitting really. why would my life be any eassier right now. why wouldnt it be the most difficult year i have ever been through. why would god give me a break? all i want to do is get my kids crap out of pawn so he doesnt hate me, maybe have a decent meal, maybe fix the phone so i dont feel so friggin isolated all the time. maybe take a vacation with my kids for march break- maybe just burn rubber right the hell out of here and never look back. Whats so important that it cant be replaced? this little gadget fits in my purse. i'd want my cake pans, and i want more sleep